Dirt Francis

If we can get this in the back seat it will be easier to unload the dirt...
What's that? It's not gonna fit?

Sex (with someone else)

Sex (with someone else)
Getting a blow job from a woman with multiple personalities is like playing Russian roulette.

Going down on a woman that you just met, is a lot going a potluck dinner, it might really good, but you don’t know what it’s going to taste like.

Foreplay in general...
Why is it that that women always want foreplay, but they don’t consider giving head foreplay?

Rules to live by for Men...
Guys, when going down on a woman, things that will get your toupee smacked right of your head.
If that smells like you breathe, I am not eating it.
I only licked your ass to get the taste out of my mouth.
You lips wrapped half way around my face
Did you fart?
I would ask the doc to throw a dozen stitches in there.
All of the men you been with and it is still this wrinkled?
Wow, somebody tore the hell out of this.

Rules to live by for women...
Girls, when going down on a guy, things that may result in a forehead punch.
The sack underneath the our dick does not contain stress balls, think of them like Charmin.
Wow, I can take the whole thing in my mouth, I have never been able to do that with anyone else
oohh, Your dick is cute
Does it get any bigger
Has this ever pleased anyone?
Actually Girls… we really don’t care, as long as you are down there.

TDK

Wasn't me...

OK, so my neighbor lady is like 60 something I live in a string of about 8 houses on the edge of my small town, everyone out there is in their 50's, 60's or 70's. I am 33, so there is a generation gap or two between me and my neighbors.
So when I got out of my truck after work yesterday, she says she wants to talk to me. So I am like sure, and she turned and walked away, I am like oh shit it is about the dog shit.
Sure enough she walks me clear back around her house and says "Look at this I do not appreciate this."
I say "understandable..."
she says, "and that pine tree that borders our property line, He did his business all around it, I do not appreciate your dog using it for a restroom. AND I WANT YOU TO CLEAN IT UP!"
With a straight face, I said "Your kidding, and he told me he has been pooping in the corn field."
She replied with a straight face and a little angry "Well He’s LYING!"